


The Stars Keep On Calling My Name

by Mathmagician



Series: Rewrite the Stars [2]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Dorks in Love, Falling in Love (again), M/M, Post-Canon, Stars, University, fifteen years later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-29 22:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13936464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathmagician/pseuds/Mathmagician
Summary: "I wanted to come to him and kiss him full on the mouth, the way I had so many times when I was young, and pretend we had been together all this time. I wanted to run to him, to drink his sense in, to touch him, to love him like I did when we were kids. I wanted to pretend I had never been married to anyone but him, and I wanted him to pretend he hadn’t either. In case he had eventually married. In case he still was married. I wanted to run to him and turn back time while we kissed. I wanted to open my eyes, I wanted to be 18 again and see him there, next to me. That afternoon, as I watched Baz walking into my campus as if he had never left, I wanted to pretend he never did."





	1. The First Time (After The Last Time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely, lovely people.
> 
> Here's a very new story of mine. I hope you guys enjoy it and what I have planned for it. It's going to be short and mostly very fluffy.  
> It's a post-canon story, and everything that happened in the book still stands, but I don't plan on mentioning it that much. It could almost be an AU, but I wanted to give it a shot at post-canon so I tried this. 
> 
> Just two tiny remarks:  
> 1\. I do not own these amazing characters. We know they all belong to the brilliant Rainbow Rowell.  
> 2\. This story is named after a Mac DeMarco song called - you guessed it - The stars keep on calling my name.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this silly idea I had!

**_BAZ:_ **

 

The last time I saw Simon Snow was over skype when we decided we should break up. We had been desperately trying to make the long-distance work, while I was studying in the US and he stayed in London with Bunce, but we couldn’t any longer. The relationship was too new, and the distance made it impossible to work our issues out. And Merlin knows we had many.

There was too much to learn about each other, still, despite having lived together for eight years. We had to learn how to love each other, after spending those years hating each other. Or pretending to hate the other, in my case. And the fact that we were 3 thousand miles apart made it impossible to do so. We couldn’t learn to love each other the way we needed to, so we ended it.

It was not a bitter break-up. Which is not the same as saying it was not a painful one. But it wasn’t bitter. We kept in touch for a while, since it was too hard not to. We had shared our lives for almost nine years, and it would be impossible to just erase all that as if it meant nothing. We talked, regularly at first, but I think it was too painful for the both of us. As time went by, the calls stopped being so often, and, eventually, the texts ended almost altogether. At some point, we only called on each other’s birthdays and spoke for like 5 minutes. Then, one year, he forgot my birthday. That was when I realised that whatever it was that we might have had left, it was over.

A few years later, I heard he had married. I think it was Niall who told me. I remember wishing he had married a girl. Which he did, thankfully. I always thought it would hurt more if he had settled down with another man. It would be so much easier to imagine myself there, instead of him. It would be so much more painful.

I don’t recall what hurt the most, the first time – when he really broke up – or the second time – when he married, and I realised it was really over. Forever. When I finally understood that I had blown any chance I might have had with Simon Snow. The love of my life.

I think the latter was the one that took me the longest to get over. If I am honest, I am not sure I am over it yet. I am, however, sure I am _not_ over _him_ yet.

Last year, when I got a call from Cambridge University with an invitation to research with them and teach there, I accepted it without thinking twice. I like to tell myself I did so because I missed my family. Because I missed my country. I like to tell myself I took it because I needed a new project. Because I had always wanted to teach, and I was finally being given the opportunity to do so. Because it was an upgrade, career-wise. I like to tell myself it had _nothing_ to do with the boy I had fallen in love with, over twenty years ago. I like to tell myself it had nothing to do with the one I had lost over my decision to study abroad.

I like to tell myself I didn’t spend the months before my moving arguing with myself over the fact that I should _not_ try to contact him. That it would not do any good. I like to tell myself I didn’t even think of him when I said yes.

I turn thirty-six next year, and I still lie to myself the same way I did when I was sixteen. It’s funny, though, how all my lies are always about Simon. And they are all about my denial, my refusal to accept that I love him. That I have _always_ loved him. That I will _always_ love him. And that I was stupid enough to let him go.

Stupid enough to let the love of my life go.

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

The first time I saw him, after the last time I saw him, I was walking around campus. I had been teaching at Cambridge since I graduated. I had always had, apparently, a hidden talent for mathematics, which made me stay in the university from the day I found my calling.

I saw him walking into the mathematics and theoretical physics department building from a distance, but, even then, I was sure it was _him_. It was the way he was walking in – as if he owned the place – that caught my eye at first. And then, it was the way he carried himself. Confident, untouchable, flawless. Stunning, as he always has been.

I stopped in my tracks and just let myself absorb the view. I stayed there, staring at him from afar, watching the love of my life walk into the building I had been working in for almost fifteen years. I had no idea what brought him there, and I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I couldn’t decide if I should look for him or pretend I hadn’t seen him and wait for him to either leave or come and talk to me.

I wanted to ask him for how long he was staying as if the last fifteen years or so hadn’t happened. As if we still talked the way we did the months after we broke up. I wanted to come to him and kiss him full on the mouth, the way I had so many times when I was young, and pretend we had been together all this time. I wanted to run to him, to drink his sense in, to touch him, to love him like I did when we were kids. I wanted to pretend I had never been married to anyone but him, and I wanted him to pretend he hadn’t either. In case he had eventually got married. In case he still was. I wanted to run to him and turn back time while we kissed. I wanted to open my eyes to see that I was eighteen again and that he was there, next to me.

That afternoon, as I watched Baz walking in my campus as if he had never left, I wanted to pretend he never did.

 I called Penny when I got home that night. After all this time, my best friend was the only one I could tell this to. Apart from my ex-wife, but I wasn’t sure I should call her about him. Not yet, at least.

Penny picked up on the first ring, and when her face popped up on my computer screen, I could see Micah in the background watching TV with Simon, my godson. They both waved at me when they saw me, but quickly returned to what they had been doing.

“What’s up, Si?” Penny asked as she left for her room so we could talk more privately. “How have you been doing?”

Although Jo and I divorced over a year ago, Penny is still cautious about it. I told her countless times it had been a mutual decision, that we were both good, that it had been the best decision for both. But she still acted as if I might be lying. Which doesn’t surprise me, I guess. I had said the same things when Baz and I had broken up, and she knows as well as I do that I never really got over it. And that’s why I know she will understand how much what happened today means to me.

“Penny, I promise you I am alright. It’s been over a year. Almost two, actually. You need to stop worrying.” I told her, smiling.

“You know I always worry.” She said, smiling her guilty Penny smile. “It’s hard not to when I am living across the ocean from you.”

“Even if you have nothing to worry about?” I asked, teasingly. Because I already knew her answer to this. And because I needed to use said answer to tell her about Baz.

“You know I always find something to worry about, Si.” She laughed. Sometimes I missed Penny so goddamn much it got hard to breathe. Sometimes, thinking of her living thousands of miles away from me became really overwhelming. It’s not because I was lonely, or because I didn’t have any friends, because none of that was true.

But because she’s my family. The only family I ever had. The one who stuck with me after I lost my magick and became half a dragon. The one who wiped my tears away when I broke up with the love of my life. The one who stayed by my bedside when I decided I no longer wanted to be a dragon. The one who stuck with me at the lowest point of my depression and PTSD. The one who was there to cheer for me whenever I had a better day. The one who prevented me from going through all of it alone. The one who sat in the audience when I gave my first lecture and applauded me like a proud mom when I published my first article. The one who stood by the aisle next to me, as my bride walked to me on my wedding day. The one who stayed with me, even though she is miles apart, when I broke up with my seven-year marriage. The one who made me godfather to her only son. The only one who knows everything about me, and the only one who will understand what I mean to say when I tell her who I saw today.

“I actually have something for you to worry about if you really want to.” I said, calmly. My heart was beating faster than when I called her to tell her Jo and I had decided to split up. She looked at me suddenly serious. I could see the fear in her eyes as she shifted closer to her computer.

“What is it, Si?” She asked. I knew she was not at all expecting what I was going to say next.

“I saw a ghost today.” I told her, and she frowned.

“What do you mean, a ghost? The Visitings are only happening in three years or so.”

“Just someone I never thought I would see again in my life.” I said, smiling shyly. “Not a real ghost, although we both know he is also dead.” I lifted my eyes up to look at her. She was staring at me wide-eyed, her mouth hanging open.

“Are you sure?” She asked after a while. “Are you sure it was _him_?”

“I am Penny. I would recognise him anywhere.” ‘I still fall asleep with his face in my mind, after all this time.’ I had thought, but that part I didn’t have to tell her. She knew. She has always known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here you have the first chapter.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to leave any remarks and suggestions, or just to leave your thoughts on it. You know I love reading and replying to your comments! 
> 
> I know I usually post very regularly, but I can't promise it this time. Uni already started, so I always have a lot to do. Therefore, I won't be able (at all) to post daily. I really apologize for it and I hope you guys don't feel disappointed by it.  
> I promise, however, I will post at least every weekend. (I will try my best to post sooner, but I will probably not be able to.)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I really hope you like it! 
> 
> Have a wonderful day (and week), lovelies!


	2. Nice To Meet You (Again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovelies!
> 
> I am so sorry it took me so long, but here's a new chapter for you.  
> I really hope you enjoy it!

**_BAZ:_ **

 

I should have put the pieces together earlier, but I was too busy obsessing about him to see how truly close he was. First, it was a head full of golden curls that I saw down the hallway, as I was leaving my office. A head who turned the corner too fast and disappeared before I could catch it. By the time I got home, I had already forgotten about it. It was not unusual for me to see Simon in everyone, and I no longer noticed it. I saw him in every man with golden curls. In every person with ordinarily beautiful blue eyes. In every golden skin boy, I happened to cross on the streets. In every person covered with freckles and moles all over. In the galaxies I spent my days studying and analyzing. You would think I would have grown accustomed to it. That after over 15 years studying the stars, I would have stopped looking at them and being reminded of him. I guess I thought so too, and that was why I settled for astrophysics in the first place. I was wrong. I guess my biggest mistake was to think he was in any way forgettable.

About a week after the beginning of the semester, I was running late to a class. Which is about my worse nightmare other than the one I actually lived – losing Simon. As I was running through the hallways, trying to find the room where I was supposed to have already been in for about 10 minutes, I heard a very familiar voice coming from one of the auditoriums. I almost stopped to follow it, before remembering how late I was. After my class, I had already forgotten about it. It wasn’t the first time I thought I had heard his voice when someone who _did not_ sound like him _at all_ was speaking. My subconscious kept making things up for me, making it harder than it already was to live with the knowledge that I lost the only man I had ever loved.

By the third time, I should have guessed it. I was sitting in my office grading some quizzes when I heard a knock on my door.

“Come in.” I said, and the door opened to reveal a young woman.

“Oh, hey professor.” She said. I did not recognize her, but she must have been in one of my classes. “I apologize, I guess I took the wrong turn somewhere. I was actually looking for professor Snow.” She said blushing. “I am still pretty new around, and I get lost easily. Do you happen to know where I can find him?”

“I am sorry…?” I said, looking at her inquisitively.

“Penelope.” She answered, and I chuckled in my mind. She had blue hair, sweet eyes and glasses just like the ones Bunce used to wear back at Watford. Maybe this was what threw me off. I barely noticed what she asked me, as I was busy noticing how much she looked like Bunce.

“I am sorry Penelope, but I am also new around here. It is my first year teaching here. I actually have no idea.” I replied.

“Thank you anyway, professor.” She stated as she closed the door behind her. “See you next Monday.”

By the time Penelope was gone, I had already forgotten what she had asked me about. And although he was always the oblivious one in our relationship, I was the one who missed it this time. And it was so obvious it hurts to think about it. About how I managed to ignore it. If I hadn’t, I might have been a little readier for it when it happened.

But I wasn’t. And when we bumped into each other in the hallway, about a month after the beginning of the semester, it took all the strength I had in me not to hug him on the spot. Ok, that’s a lie. It took all the strength I had in me not to _kiss_ him on the spot.

“Simon Snow.” I whispered.

“Basilton Pitch.” He answered, smiling at me. “Long time, no see.”

“Too long.” I agree, grinning back. And I had forgotten how beautiful Simon’s smile was. I had forgotten how full of life Simon was. I had forgotten how crazy Simon made my heart feel. I had forgotten how stunning he looked. I had forgotten how amazing he sounded. I had forgotten how alive he made me feel. I had forgotten how much I truly loved him, even though I hadn’t. Even though I could never.

How could I forget, if all I ever did was see him in the stars I studied every day, and the ones I looked over to every night?

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

The first few days after I thought I saw Baz, I figured I must have imagined him. It would make no sense that he would be entering the mathematics and theoretical physics department. Baz studied Economics, after all. It made no sense that he would be here. For a second, I let my mind wonder if he could be there looking for me, but I quickly shook the thought. Baz didn’t even know I had majored in mathematics. Baz didn’t even know I had majored at all, considering I only attended college a few years after we left Watford and, even though we still called on each other’s birthdays then, I never told him I had enrolled. He could be keeping tabs on me, like he used to back at Watford when we were young, but I couldn’t let myself wish that far. I was the one who used to follow him everywhere, and I had no clue what his life had been like since we broke-up. I had thought about looking him up several times, but I always decided against it. It hurt too much. Thinking of him always hurt too much. He would always be, after all, the one who got away. The one I had let go for some stupid reason I can’t, to this day, comprehend.

However, I didn’t have much time to convince myself I had imagined him. About a week after that first sighting of him, I saw him arrive on his bike. He made it look effortless, like everything he ever did. I also took my bike to campus, but I always arrived flustered and out of breath, unlike the perfect Basilton Pitch.

Just like the first time, I froze and stayed there watching him. He parked his bike right next to mine and I decided right then I had to move my bike if I wanted to avoid eventually meeting him on my way out. He was bobbing his head to whatever song he was listening to and turned to enter the building without ever looking around. Which was thankful, because he would have seen me if he had, and I was not ready for it yet.

I spent the next days arguing with myself over whether I should, or should not, look for him. I wanted so badly to hear his voice, to feel his touch, to see his face. And yet, at the same time, I didn’t feel ready. This was Baz. The one and only person who had my heart. The person who has always had the biggest part of my heart, at least. It’s not that I didn’t love the other people I have been with. I didn’t love all of them, but I loved Jo. She was my wife, after all. She was a major part of my life. But, unfortunately for our marriage, both of us had given most of our hearts away a long time ago. It was, in a way, what brought us together and what brought us apart. We had both loved and lost, and we found comfort in each other, at first. But, as the years went on, both of us knew we were never able to love the other in the same intense way we had loved the ones from our past. No one – not even Penny – knows this was what broke our marriage apart. The fact that I was still, after all these years, in love with Baz. And the fact that she was still, after all these years, in love with Anna, her ‘Baz’.

I decided against finding Baz, that first week. I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready to see him, after all this time, and realize he didn’t look at me the way he used to. I wasn’t ready to hear about his life and realizing I was no longer a part of it, that I hadn’t been a part of it in a very long time. I wasn’t ready to talk to him and realize that he had moved on, that he was happy, that there was no room for me anymore. Which was likely. It had been over 15 years.

The third time, I hadn’t seen him but rather heard of him. Penelope, one of my undergraduate students, had come to my office seeking help in an assignment I had asked for.

“Professor, I am sorry I am late.” She had said. “I got lost and ended up in Professor Pitch’s office. This department’s corridors all look alike.”

I remember I laughed, but, deep down, my heart had nearly stopped. I knew there could be someone else named Pitch, but what were the chances after all? I knew most of the faculty staff, which meant this professor Pitch had to be new. And it would be too much of a coincidence if two Pitches had recently begun teaching here.

“I did not know you were taking Economics classes.” I had said, casually. It actually made no sense that an Economics professor would be here in the mathematics and theoretical physics department, but I still took the shot.

“I am not, professor Snow. Professor Pitch teaches my introductory level Physics class.” She had said. “He is an astrophysicist.”

That night, I had looked Baz online on the university’s website and discovered he had majored in Physics. And then proceeded to take a master’s and a PhD in astrophysics. Which was incredibly odd. Apparently, he had switched majors while we were still calling each other on a regular basis, and he had never mentioned it. I guess he had crossed me out of his life way before I crossed him out of mine.

The fourth time, I had decided to attend one of his lectures. I went for introductory level Physics, because the lecture hall would be full, and I would be able to pass unnoticed. I sat on the back, hiding behind an incredible tall freshman and left hiding among all the students. I am sure he didn’t see me, or I know I would have at least spotted something in his expression. Baz taught like I never imagined. His eyes shined while he talked about the most basic physics concepts, and he spoke with a passion I had never seen in him before. He regularly mentioned the universe, the cosmos, the stars, to exemplify something he was teaching. At some point, a student asked him why he was so obsessed with the universe, and he laughed. For a moment, I saw sorrow invade his eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as I saw it come. He had told that student that the story of how he fell in love with the stars would take him the whole semester to tell, so he would have to pass on that question. I heard the students who sat next to me whisper to each other ‘I bet it was about a girl’ and I couldn’t suppress my smile. It would be, at best, about a boy, but I knew it isn’t. Baz has been obsessed with the stars since I can remember. And it actually makes sense he would end up settling for a job in which he would study them, his beloved stars.

As I sat there watching him teaching, I thought back at all the times I woke up in the middle of the night to find him sitting by our room’s window just looking at the night sky. I thought back at the times we just laid on the grass in some random park in London and he would tell me about the constellations and their meanings. I thought back to how his eyes shined when he talked to me about those things. The way they are shining now. Almost the way they did when he looked at me.

The fifth time, I could no longer avoid him. The fifth time, we bumped into each other in the middle of the hallway. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, as I looked up and saw him. His eyes met mine, and I knew… I knew why he would always be the one for me. I knew why he would always be the one I loved.

“Simon Snow.” He whispered, and his eyes were shining just like they used to. His gaze pierced me with the same intensity it always had, back when we were together. And it took everything I had in me not to throw myself into his arms and kiss him right there, in the middle of campus. It took all my strength not to fall into his familiar touch.

“Basilton Pitch.” I answered smiling at him. “Long time, no see.”

“Too long.” He agreed, grinning back. And for the first time in a long time, I let myself wonder if not everything was lost, after all. For the first time since that first time I saw him, I let myself wonder if this could be, after all, our second chance.

Merlin, I hope it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to thank you all so much for taking the time to read my story.  
> I apologize for how long it took me to post this new chapter, and I promise I will do my best to post another one soon. I really will do my best. It has been a little hard for me to feel inspired because uni takes away all my creativity and will to do anything. But I will do my best to be productive this weekend so that I can have something for you soon. I really hope I can manage to do that. (I really can't promise you, though, I am deeply sorry.)
> 
> To everyone who left kudos, and especially comments on the last chapter, I want to thank you deeply. You guys have no idea how happy they make me, and how much they motivate me to write more and more for you. You really are the best, and your kind words truly make my day.
> 
> I hope I will be back soon. Until then, have wonderful days, wonderful people!


	3. It's All For You (Everything I Do)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, my lovelies! 
> 
> I managed to write for a while today, so I figured I should post a new chapter for you.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

**_SIMON:_ **

 

Bumping into Baz on campus was all I needed to realize that I shouldn’t be avoiding him, rather than trying to win him back. That day we finally saw each other, we decided to grab some coffee the next weekend. Baz, being extra as always, decided that he wanted said coffee in London. His argument was that he missed the city and that he hadn’t had the opportunity to go there since he moved back because he had spent the previous weekends visiting his family and running errands. I didn’t complain because going to London meant more time with him. And that was what I had been craving since that first time I laid my eyes on him that day in September. If I was being true to myself, it was what I had been craving since the day he left, over fifteen years ago.

So, that’s why Baz and I are currently sitting on a train that is heading to London. And despite having known each other since we were ten, despite having shared a room for eight years, and despite having been together for a quite a while, we are acting like two teenagers on their first date.

I can’t stop but blushing every time our gazes cross, we have barely been able to say more than a couple of words to each other, and I can feel how tense he is. It has been quite some time, but I can still read him as always. I still can see that this means to him as much as it means to me. And he is worried that he might fuck this up. Again. Just like I am.

“Okay.” He says, looking at me. “This is getting ridiculous, Snow. Please, say something.”

I laugh and look up at him. He is right, it is getting ridiculous. But, after all, it’s been over fifteen years. And fifteen years is a long time. So much happened since the last time we’ve been together, and so much changed. Looking at him, though, I am reminded of how much hasn’t. Like the way my heart flutters when his blueish and greenish grey eyes pierce me. Like the way my stomach drops whenever he smiles at me. Like the way I feel about him. That never really changed.

“I feel like I’m on my first date.” I reply laughing, and he looks at me surprised.

“Is this a date, Snow?” He asks, cocking an eyebrow. I guess he never really changed, after all.

“Only if you want it to be.” I answer. “And you’ve called me Simon before.”

“No, I haven’t.” He says, grinning. We both know how much of a lie it is. But I am happy to know he hasn’t forgotten our running joke. “But how can this be a date? I thought you were married.” He adds.

“I haven’t been married for quite a while.” I say. I know he was dying to ask, and I am glad we got over with it quickly. “You should update your sources.”

“I guess.” He says, smiling. “Should I say I’m sorry?” He asks, as the train halts.

“You should not.” I reply after we have already left the train and as we start, without even realizing it, heading towards the only café we could end up in. “We both agreed it was for the best.”

“Then, I am not sorry.” He replies, and I can see how hard he is trying to hide a smile.

“Was there any scenario in which you would be sorry?” I ask as I open the door to the café. We ended up in the same place we always came to, when we were young. We never discussed coming here, but it seemed so natural. It felt like we both knew this was the place for this conversation. Whatever this conversation meant, whatever this coffee meant, this was the place to have it. The place where we always came to when we were together. The place we always came to in the morning before leaving home, or where Baz picked up scones for me when he stayed over. The place I was never able to return to after he left for good. But with him, it just feels right. It had to be here.

“Yes.” He replies, as we sit down at the same table we always sat at. The place hasn’t changed as much as we haven’t. Although it’s slightly different, it is still the same in its essence. It is still our café. I guess, in a way, it will always be.

“And what would that scenario be?” I ask him, frowning.

“If you had divorced me.” He replies, smiling sadly.

For a moment, we just stay there looking at the other. Just like I did so many times when we were dating, I wish I could read his mind. I want to know if he is picturing it like I am. I want to know if he is, too, wondering where we would have ended up if only we hadn’t broken up when we were 19. I want to know what life might have been like, with him by my side through it all. And I want to know if we would have made it, if only we had been smart enough not to let the other go so soon.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

After over 15 years, I can still read him like I did when we were young. Or, at least, I still try to convince myself that I am reading him well, just like I used to when I was young. I am sure he is thinking, just like I am, about what could have been. Which, by now, is useless. There is no fixing the past. Right now, all I can hope for is for him to give me a chance to prove that I am still worth his future.

“Did you ever marry?” Simon asks, after a while, when the silence is becoming too unbearable. When the scenarios in our heads of what could have been are becoming too hard to look at. When we are both realizing how happy we would have made each other if only we had tried.

“I did not, Snow.” I reply, smiling sadly.

“Why?” He asks. Fifteen years later, Simon Snow still has a way of throwing me off guard with his straightforwardness.  

“I just never did.” ‘I would never marry anyone that wasn’t you.’ I think. But that much he can’t know. Not yet, at least.

“Okay, your turn.” He says, leaning towards me.

“My turn?”

“Your turn to ask questions. It’s how dates work, Baz. Are you that out of touch?” He mocks me.

“I don’t recall first dates including such deep questions, Snow.” I reply, coldly.

“It’s not our first date.” He says, sticking his tongue out at me. “It’s only the first one in a while. But if you don’t want to ask questions, I have more.”

“No, no. I do. Why didn’t you call me on my twenty-third birthday?” I ask. I should have gone for something lighter for a first question, but I guess this is what we are doing.

“I was in the hospital. And I never forgave myself for it.” He replies.

“Why?” I ask him. I never knew he had been sick. “What happened?”

“I got my wings and tail removed.” He replies. “Okay, my turn.” I don’t want it to be his turn. I want to know why he did that. If everything went well. If he regrets it. But he won’t let me. “Do you have a boyfriend now?” He asks.

“I do not, Snow.” I say. Is he seriously worried about this? “I don’t think my boyfriend, if I had one, would enjoy me walking around London with… you.” I stop myself before I can say something I will regret. I almost told him how I am still in love with him, after all this time.

“Why?” He asks.

“You’re my ex-boyfriend.” _The one I will always love._

“I used to hang out with Agatha and you didn’t care.” He says.

“It’s different.” _You didn’t love her anymore._

“How is it different?” He asks, his blue gaze piercing me. And I know I have to change the subject because this one will lead to me telling Simon how I was never able to love after I loved him. How I gave my whole heart, and soul if I have one, to him, and never got it back.

“Isn’t it my time to ask the questions?”

“It is.” He agrees, pouting slightly.

“Why did you get your wings and tail removed?” I ask, not because I don’t understand, but because he never expressed a desire to do it when we were together. And I really want to know. I want to know everything that happened in the last 15 years. I want to be a part of them, even though I wasn’t. Even though I will never get them back, I want to pretend that I can.

**_SIMON:_ **

 

I knew Baz would ask about this eventually. I tried to throw him off guard by asking about his love life, but I should have known he wouldn’t let it go. And I don’t know how to reply to it, because there is so much behind that surgery. There is so much behind that decision that he can’t know about. Like how I always woke up to see my wings wrapped around his pillow, pretending that he was there, after he left. Like how my tail curled around an imaginary waist when I was sitting by myself on the couch, crying myself to sleep. Like how I spent days locked inside my apartment because I couldn’t bear to have them spelt invisible. Because the last who had done it had been him, and I wanted his magick to linger. I didn’t want someone else’s magick, not even Penny’s, to erase whatever traces of his magick might have been left, after he was gone. How, after a while, they became unbearable to look at because they were reminders of him. I had never truly liked them, but I could tolerate them. I could live with them knowing how someone could love me despite me being half a dragon. And they were still a reminder of everything we had gone through to get to where we were. But after he left… they just became a reminder of how everything that we have gone through just hadn’t been enough.

So, I didn’t know how to answer his why. I didn’t want to bring up the worst part of our past, but I didn’t want to lie. So, I told him the only thing I could think of.

“I didn’t want to be a dragon all my life.”

“I understand that.” He replies. “I am sorry I wasn’t here. You could have told me.”

“I didn’t want you to come back because of it.” _I wanted you to come back because you wanted to come back._ I think. And when his eyes meet mine, I almost believe he can hear me.

“I am sorry.” He tells me. “I am so sorry.” His face is nearly blank, but I know Baz way too well. Right now, I can tell he is trying really hard not to cry. Fifteen years have gone by, but Baz – my Baz – hasn’t changed the slightest bit. Not in the things that matter, at least.

“I am sorry too.” I say, as I reach across the table to grab his hand. “You know I am sorry too.”

“I know.” He says, smiling at me.

“Please ask another question. This is getting too heavy.” I say almost whispering. He laughs.

“Alright. Then…Why maths?” Finally, an easy question to answer.

“It barely has any words. It is perfect for me.” He laughs. 

“It does make sense. And from what I hear, you’re pretty amazing at it.” He tells me, and I can see he is proud. And, not for the first time in my life, but for the first time in a long time, I wish he could have been there. I wish I could have seen his proud face in the crowd as I crossed the stage to get my diploma. I wish he could have been there when I decided my PhD, when I was invited to teach, when I gave my first class. I wish he could have been there as I became who I am today, because he would have been so proud. And I would have been so proud to have him.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

“I’m not bad… not bad.” He replies, smiling at me.

“Word on the streets is that you are amazing.” I tell him. And it’s true, I know he is. He has always been amazing with the things he is passionate about.

“You’re making me blush.” He says, actually blushing. “Is it my turn now?”

“Yes, you can ask your questions.” I answer, laughing, despite being slightly scared about what might be coming next.

“Why astrophysics? You never told me you changed majors, and from what I can remember you left to study Economics.” I can sense a hint of bitterness in his voice. And I get it –  I do. I should have told him. And I wanted to, really. But I just couldn’t make myself do it. It was too new, at the time. Unlike now, I wouldn’t have been able to hide my true reasons when he asked me why.

“I just figured Economics wasn’t for me. And you know I have always been fascinated by the stars.” I tell him. I rehearsed this answer many times these past days, because I knew the question would come. And I knew I could tell him the real reason.

I knew I couldn’t tell him I did it just to be closer to him. I couldn’t tell him how I chose to study the stars in the sky because of how I ruined my chance of studying the ones on his body. I couldn’t tell him how my whole career was based on the fact that I could never really get over him. And I am so glad I never told him where my true fascination for the stars came from. Because if I had, back when we were together, he would have guessed the why.

But I never told him. I never told him how I didn’t even notice the stars before I met him. I was all for the moon, when I was a kid. I remember thinking, back when I was a young, about how my mother hung the moon. And, after she died, the moon was all I saw when I looked up to the night sky.

The night after I met Simon, though, when I looked up to the sky, I saw a whole new picture ahead of me. Suddenly, my mother, the moon, was not alone anymore. Suddenly, there was a whole universe I had never bothered to notice before.

When I fell in love with the sky, I fell in love with him. Or was it the other way around? I was never really sure. But the truth is that my love for the sky, my fascination for the universe, is intrinsically connected to my fascination for him. And when I left, and then we left each other, the night sky was my only reminded of him. The constellations in the sky were the ones I was left with when the ones on his body became unreachable. Suddenly, the universe was closer than he was. And it was the closest thing I could have to the one I had always loved. The one I would always love. And I made them my life. Just like I should have made him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope it was not disappointing for all of you who have been waiting for it.  
> Thank you all so much for reading, leaving kudos, and especially commenting. Your lovely words are what keep me going, and they really mean a lot to me. I always become happy whenever I read your comments and kind words of support. They truly make my day. You guys are amazing.
> 
> I will probably only be posting next weekend now, so I apologize for it. But you know how hard uni can get. I will, however, try to write more to update sooner if I have the chance, but I really probably won't.
> 
> Thank you all so, so much.  
> Have a wonderful and amazing day, and week!


	4. After All This Time? (Always)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovelies!
> 
> Here's a very new chapter for you. I really hope you enjoy it!

**_SIMON:_ **

 

After Baz and I got everything out of our chests that day in the café, we were finally able to move on. It’s not like fifteen years can be taken back in an afternoon, but we got the heavy stuff out of the way. As for the rest, time will take care of it. I think we both have plenty of it.

That first day we also realized we lived only a few blocks away from each other. Since then, we have been riding our bikes together to campus every day. Which is a good thing, but also not such a good thing because Baz is still as athletic as he was back then, and I am not as much. Which is not surprising considering I’m a person in my mid-thirties who is completely obsessed with food. He mocks me a little for it – he wouldn’t be Baz if he didn’t – but he still slows down whenever he realizes I’m not keeping up with him.

We also have lunch together whenever our breaks match. I’ve introduced him to some of my colleagues –  some are even physicists like him –  and they all got used to having him around. Claire, one of my oldest friends from Cambridge and a fellow mathematician, hit it off with Baz quite quickly. Maybe that’s why she guessed who he was before I even got a chance to tell her.

Claire was the first friend I made in Cambridge. We met on the first day at university – she got in at the same time as I did, and we both took the same classes in the beginning. I remember feeling drawn to her from the first moment I saw her for some reason I couldn’t understand. Only after Penny met her and Claire realized Penny was magickal, did I figure out that she was a mage as well. I was so used to feeling magick around me, even though mine was now gone, that I never realized it was what pulled me towards her.

After that, she became not only a friend, but someone I could tell everything to. And although I never told her who he was, she always knew I had lost someone who meant a great deal to me. Someone I never truly got over.

So, one time, after we got back from having lunch with Baz, she followed me to my office and asked me if he was the one who got away. I always admired her for her witness, and I always knew how she had a hidden talent for people reading. It wasn’t even necessary for me to answer, because she already knew it was him, but I confirmed it nonetheless. After that, whenever it was just the three of us at lunch, she would always find a way to excuse herself and to leave us alone.

Which is good – any time with Baz is good – but not enough. Not anymore. Even though I like what we have been doing – the lunch dates, the bike rides, the occasional coffee or walk in the park on the weekend – it is not enough anymore. I feel as if we are acting like a ‘married for years’ couple. But we skipped the phase in which we were supposed to be the ‘unable to take their hands off each other’ couple. And I don’t want to skip that part. I want him so much it hurts sometimes. I want to kiss him again like we did when we were teenagers. I have been dreaming of his lips for so long, I have been craving his touch for so many years, that I can’t bear to skip it. I want him. And I was starting to worry, since he had been avoiding all situations that might involve real intimacy for months now. I was starting to worry that he might not want _me_ anymore.

But then, he invited me over for dinner.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

After months of arguing with myself over the fact that I should do something about Simon, I finally decided to invite him over. I was afraid that we might not be in the same place, that I might be reading all the signs wrong. I was afraid that he might not want this to be our second shot at love, but only at friendship. I was afraid that he might not be able to trust me, to love me, after all this time.

But not knowing was getting too much. Pretending that I didn’t care if he only wanted to be friends, was getting to hard. Because every time I saw him I just wanted to kiss him like he kissed me that time in the forest. Every time he smiled at me, I just wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much I have always loved him.

And after spending months weighing the ups and downs of doing something, I decided I had to. I had to know. If this didn’t mean the same to him that it meant to me, I might as well know it. So, I decided to ask him over to dinner. And when I did, the way his face lighted up with a smile, the way his eyes shined like they used to when he looked at me before, I knew I should have done it sooner. But, right now, I am just glad that I did it. And that he said yes.

However, I am currently freaking out. And I know that I shouldn’t – whatever might be happening tonight, won’t be new to any of us. However this dinner might turn out, I know we’ve had a dinner like it before. Despite my better judgement, though, I can’t stop overthinking. Despite telling myself, over and over again, that this is no big deal, I can’t calm down. Because, deep down, I know this _is_ a big deal. This is Simon Snow, the love of my fucking life, giving me a chance. Once again. It is a huge deal.

When I hear a knock on my door and open it to find him smiling at me on the other side, however, I am not so scared anymore. It’s him. It’s always been him. It will always be him. And there is no need to be scared. He is here.  

_I’m home._

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

Baz’s presence is not new to me. Not that it ever was – I spent most of my childhood and teenage years by his side – but even now, after over 15 years apart, it is not new. We’ve been spending enough time together lately for me to get used to having him around, once again. Which, to be honest, didn’t require much time. Being with him comes naturally to me. I am just me, and he is just him. The way we have always just been _us_. And there is no pretending, there is no forcing, there is no faking. It’s as natural as breathing, and I never felt like this with anyone but him. 

However, tonight, being here feels new. This is what I have been waiting for since that day I saw him cross campus on his bike. Yet, I wasn’t ready. We have both been quiet for quite some time, and I just want to know what he is thinking. This whole scene – the dinner, the silence, the awkwardness – takes me back to when we were 18 and Penny left to visit Micah in the summer. I invited Baz over to stay with me, which he did even when I didn’t invite him. But that time, it was different. Because Penny was away, and we had the whole apartment to ourselves. For the first time since we left Watford – and when I did, things weren’t at all the way they were by then – we were totally alone. And we both knew what was going to happen that night – the same thing that ended up happening every single night for the two weeks Penny was away. We both knew, which made us almost feel like strangers. Because it was new, and it was us. I think he was afraid, just like I was, that it might change things. And it did, indeed. For better.

But we were worried at first. And, right now, I can’t stop but thinking of that dinner. And I wonder if Baz is also recalling it. So, I decide to ask. Because, with him, I never really learnt to hold my thoughts in. And I never really had to.

“Do you remember that dinner when Penny was away with Micah and we had the apartment to ourselves for the first time?” He smiles at me, flashing me those shiny fangs that still amaze me after all these years.

“I was thinking about that. What is it with us and alone dinners?” He asks, looking at me with those stormy grey eyes. I can’t help but blush. I know what he is implying. Or, at least I know what I want him to be implying.

“As if we were not used to spending time alone. We lived together for 8 years, for Merlin’s sake.” I say, and he laughs.

“It was quite different then, Simon.”

“I know.” I tell him. And, for a while, we both stay quiet once again. Probably wondering what it would have been like if it hadn’t been different then. If we had gotten together sooner.

I don’t want to dive into those thoughts, though. I am done with creating hypothetical and impossible scenarios in my head about us. We are here now, despite everything that we have been through. And _now_ is all I am asking for.

“Do you that some students have a theory that we are dating?” Baz tells me, breaking the silence. I look up at him and I can see a smirk forming on his face.

“Do they really?” I ask him, pretending to be shocked. Which I am not. Claire told me about the rumour. There is even a bet, allegedly, about how long it will take before they confirm their suspicions.

“So I’ve heard.” He says, casually. As if it was no big deal to him. As if he didn’t just ask me this to see how I would react.

“Funny how they quickly changed their minds about you being straight.” I say, regretting immediately. I only know this because I went to his class that time, when I was still deciding whether I should go talk to him or not. And now he is going to ask, and I will have to tell him.

“How would you know they thought I was straight?” He asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“I-I wouldn’t.” I quickly reply, but I know he is seeing right through me.

“Snow.” He says, sounding more amused than he should. I know how he always had fun torturing me. “What are you not telling me?”

“No-Nothing.” I say, know he will keep insisting until I tell him. Which he does.

“Simon, you can deny all you want, but you should remember I know you pretty well. And you still lie the same way you did when you were 18.” He says, smirking. That infuriating smirk of his that looks so hot and so annoying at the same time.

“Fine, but you can’t make fun of me.” I say, knowing very well that he will, nonetheless. “I went to one of your classes once.”

“You did what?” He asks, clearly surprised. “When?”

“About a month into the first semester.” I reply. I haven’t told him about knowing he was here before we bumped into each other yet. I wasn’t sure if I should. But I guess he is going to know it now. “I have seen you around campus more than once, and I just decided to attend one of your classes. I was curious.”

“I didn’t know about that.” He says.

“I know.” I reply. “I sat in the back behind a very tall student. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to you. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear that I no longer had a place in your life.”

“You’ll always have a place in my life.” He whispers, as if he is afraid that if he says it too loud I’ll disappear. “But what does that have to do with them thinking I am straight?”

“Oh, it’s just that during the class a student asked you about your obsession with the stars. And when you told him it was too long of a story, I heard a student next to me whispering to the other that it must have been about a girl.” Baz laughs at this, although I can see he is blushing slightly.

“Those students need those gaydars updated.” He jokes, and I laugh.

 “I know it is not about a girl, but I always wondered what happened in your life to make you so obsessed with the stars, though.” I say. Because I really am curious. And he never really told me, not even when we were together.

 

**_BAZ:_ **

****

I knew he would eventually ask, again. And I know how I was supposed to respond to this question, whenever it came. I had an easy protocol to follow, a rehearsed reply to him asking me about the stars. Right now, however, none of that seems fitting. Not after he told me he was afraid I wasn’t going to have a place for me in my life – which is the same as saying he was afraid he might have lost me. Not that he ever could – he has had my heart from day one – but I guess he doesn’t know that yet. I guess he doesn’t know how much he means to me. How he is the one I truly love. The only one I have ever loved.

So, when he asks me about the stars, I can’t bear to hide it any longer.

“It’s not about what happened, but rather about who happened.” I say, and his eyes go a little wide.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“I have always been obsessed with the stars because of who they remind me of.”

“Who?”

“You.” I whisper, afraid that speaking too loudly might break the spell that we both seem to be under. “It has always been about you.”

For a moment we just stand there staring at each other. Whatever he might be thinking about, I can’t take back what I just said. And, although I should be scared that this might make me lose him, and any chances I might have had of this work between us again, I am not. I am actually relieved I finally got to say it out loud to a real person. And to the person who, above all, should know.

“What do you mean, me?” He asks, standing up from his chair and moving towards me. I stand up too, unsure of what is happening next. Unsure if he is about to storm out of my house, or about to jump into my arms.

“It’s you, Simon.” I say, lifting my hand to caress his cheek, tracing a line across the freckles on his face. “Your whole body is made of stars. Full of constellations I spent my whole life dreaming of. You are a galaxy. Fuck, you are a whole universe.” His eyes are opened wide, and we are standing so close I can feel his breath on my face. I am sure he can feel how fast my heart is beating, but there is no turning back now. I am going to tell him the whole truth. “And when you were gone – when I could no longer study the stars of your body – I turned to those in the sky. They were the closest thing I had to you.” I halt. I should stop myself from saying what naturally comes next. But I can’t. I can’t hide it anymore. “They were the closest thing I had to the man I had always loved. The man I will always - ”

His lips crash into mine before I can even see them coming. And after fifteen years of not kissing Simon Snow, kissing Simon Snow, once again, feels like breathing for the first time. And it feels so new but so familiar at the same time. His hands are on my chest, and my hands are pulling on his hair, and we are just the same people we were when we were 18. And I just want to keep on kissing him until we are both out of breath. I want to keep kissing him until we both forget that we are 35 instead of 18. I want to keep kissing him until we can turn back time and forget we ever left each other. I want to keep kissing him until I am old, and wrinkled, and cranky. I want to keep kissing him until we both are.

I want to kiss him every single day for the rest of my life.

And, if he lets me, I know that I will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! I hope you all enjoyed it. If it is very weird, I apologize. I am really sick and this was written on a super feverish inspiration. It looks alright to me, but perhaps it is incredibly weird and my sick brain just can't see it.
> 
> Anyway, thank you guys so much for your endless patience, and for waiting for my updates. I will try to update the next chapter sooner than next weekend, although, as usual, I can't promise that. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your amazing comments that have been making my days, for always coming back to read, for your endless support, and for taking a little bit of your time to read my silly stories and to leave me nice words. I know I am repeating myself, but it really means the world to me. You are incredibly awesome.
> 
> I hope you all have an amazing day, weekend, and week! I hope I 'see' you soon <3


	5. Yeah, We Had Issues (Can We Dismiss Those?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, my lovelies!
> 
> To make up for the lack of chapters during last week, here you have a new one just a day after the previous one.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_SIMON:_ **

 

The first thing that strikes me as odd is the light. It’s all too bright to be my own apartment. Then, I realize I am not alone in my bed. In fact, I am wrapped around someone so cold I didn’t wake up in a pool of sweat as I usually do. And that makes me wonder if what happened last night was not just another one of my crazy dreams. I keep my eyes closed for a little longer, nonetheless, because I am afraid that it could all disappear when I open them. I am afraid that I could have been imagining all of it. I am afraid that I might open my eyes to see someone that is not Baz in my arms. And I know I am not ready for such disappointment. But then, he moves around and pulls me closer. The same way he used to do when we were 18.

“You’re overthinking.” He whispers to my ear, and I can’t suppress the smile.

“I was afraid that I might wake up and not find you here anymore.” I say, as I roll around to face him.

“Snow, this is my apartment. Where else would I be?” He mocks.

“You know what I mean.” I say, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. “I missed this.”

“Oh, you made that pretty clear last night.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You’re such a dick.” I say, shoving him slightly.

“Thankfully for me, you like dick.” He says, and I have to laugh. It always gets me whenever posh Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch acts as if he was a 13-year-old.

“Yeah, you’re lucky.” I reply, and he pulls me closer.

“I am.” He whispers before kissing one of the moles on my neck. “I really am.”

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

I was afraid I might wake up to an empty bed. But even before I opened my eyes, I knew he was still there. For the first time in over fifteen years, I didn’t wake up cold. For the first time in over fifteen years, I woke up to find the love of my life next to me. Or nearly on top of me, to be exact. And I have never been so happy.

Now, we are just lying in bed staring at each other and I can see he is overthinking once again.

“You’re overthinking again, love.” I whisper, and he looks at me.

“I was just wondering what this means.” He whispers back, and I can see he is afraid that I might not want the same he does. As if he didn’t listen to a thing I said last night. As if he didn’t know how in love with him I still am after all these years.

“It means whatever you want it to mean.” I reply, because I don’t want to force things. And I have already poured my heart to him last night, I’m not about to do it again. I don’t think I could face his rejection, if it came.

“What if I want it to mean that we’re boyfriends again?” He asks, so softly I almost miss it. As if he is afraid I might say no. As if he didn’t know that’s all I have been wishing for since he came back to my life.

“Simon…” I say, and his eyes filled with panic.

“You don’t want that.” He interrupts me, without letting me finish. He tries to free himself from my grip, but I speak before he is able to do so.

“Simon, were you not listening to me at all last night?” I ask. He stops struggling and turns around.

“I was.” He says. “You meant it?”

“For Crowley’s sake, Simon. Of course I meant it. I love you. I always have. I always will.” I say, kissing the top of his nose. He smiles.

“Does that mean I can be your terrible boyfriend again?”  

“Yes, it does.” I laugh. He was never a terrible boyfriend, but my heart skips a beat at the mention of that night, so many years ago, when he used those exact words to ask me to be his boyfriend. I lean towards him for a kiss and, if it wasn’t for both of our alarms going off at the exact same time, I am sure there was going to be a follow up to what happened last night. Twice.

“Fuck.” He says, against my mouth. “We are not 18 anymore.”

“We are not. And, unfortunately, as the professors, we are not allowed to skip class like we used to.” I reply, stretching. He pulls me closer again.

“We could just call in sick.” He says, kissing my neck. And I must admit he makes a good point. Unfortunately for me, I am too responsible to lie about being sick.

“We have to go, love. It’s just a few hours. We can be back in no time.” I say, getting up. He frowns at me.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Pitch.” He says.

“Not really, no.” I reply, smiling at him. “You still love me though.”

“I do.” He says, taking the hand I am offering him and getting up. He kisses me softly on the lips before asking. “What’s for breakfast?”

“How about some scones?” I ask, and his eyes light up as I say it. “I had the batter ready for dessert last night but… you know, more urgent matters came up.” I say winking.

“If I wasn’t already in love with you, I would be by now.” He says, as he follows me to the kitchen.

“I know.” I reply. “Why else would I have learnt to bake sour cherry scones?”

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

I almost arrived late to class, which would be a first in all my teaching years at Cambridge. I wanted to go home and grab some clothes so that I didn’t have to walk of shame to campus. And it would have been easy, considering I live 10 minutes away from Baz. But, unfortunately, we got way too distracted in the shower, so I had to borrow one of his t-shirts.

We agreed to meet after class to go home together. Which was unnecessary since we already did that every day, even before last night. But I guess we both wanted to make sure the other would be there. And I am sure that when he said ‘go home together’ he didn’t mean that we would both be going to our own house. I’m pretty sure whoever’s home we chose, that’s where we are both going.

I am trying my best to give this lecture, but I don’t recall a time in which it has been harder. I can barely focus on what I am teaching. My mind keeps thinking of Baz. Baz’s lips on mine, Baz’s lips on my freckles, Baz kissing every single freckle and mole on my body, just like he used to do when we were young. I just can’t shake the image of him, naked on his bed before me, as stunning as I remembered. More gorgeous than I could have ever imagined. I can’t stop but thinking that, if I’m lucky, in a few hours I’ll have him naked on my bed. Like I’ve dreamt so many times throughout the years. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want to say to him, all the things I want to do to him, all the things I want to do with him. Like being happy. Together.

And all the thoughts about him that I am having, even the most blend ones in which I am just imagining us growing old together, are not suitable for when I am teaching. I keep losing track of what I am saying. I keep switching numbers and missing parts of my equations. And the fact that my students won’t shut up is not at all helping.

They have been whispering and giggling to each other since I got here, and it’s driving me crazy. At some point, I lose it.

“Okay, what’s going on? Why are you all so talkative today?” I ask, and they all stare at me looking guilty. “Come on, please share. I always want to hear the new campus’ gossip.”

“Professor…” A kid on the front row says, blushing. “ I don’t think you want us to share.”

“No, no please do. Is it me? Is there something on my teeth?”

“Not really, professor.” He replies, looking at his lap and trying to suppress his smile.

“Then what?” I ask. “Just let it out of your chests so that we can proceed with the class.”

“It’s just that you’re wearing professor Pitch’s shirt, professor.” The guy says, looking at me sympathetically.

“How would you know it’s professor Pitch’s shirt?” I ask, and they all laugh.

“Well…” the kid proceeds. He really is brave. Or maybe they all know I am the cool professor who won’t get mad for this. “It kind of says _Pitch_ in the back.”

“Oh…” I say, feeling my cheeks burning.

That git could have warned me. He saw me grab the first shirt I found, and he smiled a little when he looked at me. And I really should have known, because it kind of looked like a football t-shirt. But I was in a rush and didn’t really think about that. But he saw it.

I’m going to kill him.

“Well. I guess your bet is over then. You got your proof.” I say, and they all laugh. “Can we go back to our class now?”

 

**_BAZ:_ **

 

As I am leaving class, I get a text from Snow.

 

**Star Boy: I am going to kill you.**

I smile and hit reply immediately.

 

_Sexy Vampire: I see you found out about the t-shirt._

**Star Boy: Of course I found out about the t-shirt.**

**Star Boy: My students kept laughing throughout the whole lecture.**

**Star Boy: I am going to kill you.**

_Sexy Vampire: No, you’re not. You love me._

**Star Boy: Okay, I will probably not kill you.**

**Star Boy: But you’re a git.**

**Star Boy: But I do love you.**

**Star Boy: Still a git, though.**

_Sexy Vampire: I love you too. See you in a while._

I smile at my phone. I am a git. Yet, he still loves me. Simon Snow loves me. After all we have been through, after all this time, he still loves me. And he is my not terrible, terrible boyfriend again.

Aleister Crowley, I am living a charmed life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading.  
> This story is nearly over, there is only my typical happy ever after epilogue chapter. I promise I will post it as soon as I can. I hope I can do so during this week. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your never-ending support. Thank you for always taking a little bit of your time to read my stories, for always taking a little bit of your times to leave me the most amazing comments and for sticking with me through my stories. It really means a lot to me. You guys are the best <3
> 
> I wish you all an amazing rest of day and a wonderful week! <3


	6. Loving Is Easy (The Second Time Around)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise lovelies!
> 
> I am having this little break at uni, so I decided to give you the final chapter today as a gift for taking so long with the overall updates on this.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_BAZ:_ **

 

I brought the last box in this morning. It’s been almost two years since I moved back home, and over a year since Simon Snow and I became terrible boyfriends once again. We’ve been basically living together since that first night he stayed over, but about two months ago we decided to make it official. It wasn’t hard to choose where to live – I had been renting my house for less than a year, and Simon’s was his already. And not just because he bought it, but also because of everything he had in it. My house was full of IKEA furniture and generic decoration. It was magazine pretty, but it wasn’t a home. Unlike his.

I still remember how I felt walking into his home, that first day after we (finally) got back together. I felt like I was walking into the life I could have had if we hadn’t given up on each other. It was clearly Simon’s place – messy, mismatched, slightly chaotic – but it was also his home. And, as I walked into it, I felt like I was, in a way, invading his privacy. Invading his life.

At that moment, I must have had my whole thoughts written across my face, because Simon instantly hugged me from behind.

“Welcome home.” He had said. And I knew he meant it exactly like that. That it was my home too. Which was true. Wherever he is, that’s where home is.

He’s my home.

This is what I am thinking about as I put away the few things I still had left in my apartment. An apartment that is not mine anymore. The same way this house is not just his home anymore. It’s _our_ home. And I don’t think I have ever been happier.

I enter the bedroom to find Simon asleep on the bed. He was supposed to be helping me bring the rest of the boxes, but he has been staying late at the university a lot and I know he is exhausted. For a minute there, I just stay by the door looking at him. I have a hard time believing this is my life now.

He is spread across the bed, half drooling on my pillow, and smiling as if he was the happiest person on earth. Which I know he isn’t because that would be me. I look around the room. It looks so different from that first day we walked in here together. There are a whole bunch of new things – my things, his things, our things – scattered around. A whole bunch of pictures of us, mostly from now. Some from when we were young too. My favourite one, though, was already here, placed on top of his nightstand. I look at it.

I remember the day we took that picture as if it was yesterday. I used to think of it as our last good day. Simon had come visit me at Harvard and we had spent the whole day walking around town. We kissed on little alleys, cosy coffee shops, on the subway, on campus. At night, we laid down on the grass, in the backyard of my residence, and we looked at the stars. I remember telling him about all the constellations we could see from there, showing him the brightest star, telling him about the universe. I remember him looking at me tenderly as I told him about the cosmos and all my love for it. I remember I almost told him that my love for the stars in the sky was intrinsically connected to my love for the ones on him. That I just loved them because of how much I loved him. I didn’t tell him that night. In fact, it took me over fifteen years to do so. But that night was the closest I had ever been to letting him know. What he meant to me. What he had always meant to me.

I didn’t. And the next morning he had to fly back home. A month later the fights started. Three months later, when I went home for Christmas, we broke up. Over fifteen years later, when I walked into his room after finally getting back the love of my life, I found that picture on his nightstand.

I remember the moment as I look at it. I remember I was shoved into the room and my mind was everywhere but here. I was already thinking of all the things I was going to do to Simon – starting with taking off that hideous football shirt with my name on that he so carelessly had chosen to wear to work that day. When he pushed me down his bed, though, I spotted something in my peripherical vision that made me stop. I remember we both froze as I looked at the picture and as he realized I was looking at the picture. I must have whispered something like “you still have it” and he must have whispered something like “I couldn’t throw it away”. And that was the moment I realized he never really let me go either. That was the moment I knew he loved me – he had always loved me – just like I loved him.

I cross the room and lay down on the bed next to him, wrapping my arms around his body and letting his warmth surround me. This is my life now. And I have never been happier. I have never been more loved. I have never been more complete.

Simon rolls around to face me and puts his arms around me. I kiss his nose and let my head rest on top of his. He smiles contended and I can’t stop thinking how incredibly lucky I am. And, if everything goes well, I will be even luckier tonight.

Simon thinks we’ll be having dinner at some fancy restaurant but, in fact, I am going to take him to the school’s planetarium and show him the new star I discovered last month. The one that I named after him. And, over a decade later than I should have, I am going to ask the love of my life to marry me.

I think he’ll say yes.

 

**_SIMON:_ **

 

I know I was supposed to be helping Baz out with the rest of the boxes, but I fell asleep before I got around to do anything. I didn’t even realize he was back already before I felt him lay on the bed next to me. I move around to hold him, and he kisses my nose. I can’t suppress a smile. I can’t believe this is my life now. I can’t believe he is my life now. I close my eyes once again, although I doubt I will fall asleep once more. It’s getting too close to dinner time and I am getting nervous.

Baz thinks I have been spending too much time in university to work on this new research project I started last fall. To be honest, it’s not a lie. What he doesn’t know is that this research project I have been working on is not for the university. What I have been working on is a new algorithm to create a constellation on the universities’ planetarium. And last night I finally succeeded.

Baz thinks we’re going out to dinner in some fancy restaurant but, in fact, we’re going to the university’s planetarium and I am going to ask him to marry me. Using this new algorithm to write it in the stars in the planetarium’s sky.

I know it is incredibly cheesy, but it can’t hurt being cheesy just one time in your life. And it can’t hurt being cheesy when you’re asking your boyfriend – who happens to be the love of your fucking life – to marry you.  

I think he’ll say yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!  
> I really hope you have enjoyed this fic. For those of you who might be wondering, both Simon and Baz said yes after laughing for about an hour for proposing at the same time. 
> 
> I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you. It was just something silly to wrap things up. I hope you liked it, and the fic in general!
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me throughout this story. Thank you so much to everyone who kept coming back to read it. Thank you deeply to everyone who left kudos. And thank you especially to those of you who always took a little bit of your time to leave me amazing comments. I know I keep repeating myself, but they do mean the world to me. They make me so happy, and they keep me so motivated to write more and more for you. You are all amazing and I really don't have enough words to thank you.
> 
> I hope I will be seeing you again in my next stories (I already have a few ideas to what is coming next) but if I don't, I hope you know it was a pleasure.
> 
> Thank you all so much. You are amazing.
> 
> I hope you have the most wonderful day, week, month and year. You deserve it <3


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